It’s hard to tell you how I feel
I can’t explain, it seems unreal.
When pieces wander from my mind
And leave those empty gaps behind.
I cannot tell you where I went
But please don’t think me ignorant.
Deaf to what you have to say
Muted, blind, so far away.
Those thieves of thought don’t seem to care
They take my mind from here to there.
And fill my heart with angst and fear
Return me when I feel the tears
Track unannounced along my face
To wash me back from empty space.
It’s like … well.
It’s like the wires, inside my brain
Burn out and blow a fuse again.
Pull me down and make me low
I feel I have no place to go.
But deep into my own recourse
To try and rectify the cause.
Yet even I don’t understand
How suddenly I’m half the man.
So different to the former me
Living life through comedy.
Who tried to brighten other’s gloom
Ironic how they’ve left the room.
Now that I need a helping hand
Someone to hear, to understand.
Mind you …
I don’t expect that they have seen
The darkest places I have been.
But should they fear what they can’t see?
Not knowing what to say to me?
Staring with those judging eyes
Hoping, praying, that I’ll walk by.
I haven’t got a dread disease
You cannot catch my misery.
You will not make my symptoms worse
Engaging me in simple verse.
I’m not okay but that’s okay
I’ll make it through another day.
I’m taking every step I can
To make myself a normal man.
Whatever normal is?
I ask for patience from you all
To give me time to reach my goal.
I won’t be fixed within a week
Not even with the help I seek.
But here’s the thing that matter’s most
I still have life that’s left to toast.
So fight I must and fight I will
I’ll win the fight, I won’t give in.
I’ll find a way to help unblock
I’ll find a key to help unlock
And find I will, with fingers crossed
A mind that … well, for now … is
P. A. Davies 2018